Personalized Funerals

Recently I read an article about how people are going more and more towards a personalized non-traditional funeral. Being as my dad's funeral was a week ago I found this very interesting. Some of it kind of made me laugh like do-it-yourself preparation of the body. No thanks, I'll pass on that one. But what really struck me was not so much the article itself but all the comments posted about the article. So many of them were so cynical. A lot of them said, "just throw me in a plywood box and call it good." Some even criticized those in the funeral business and claimed they were scam artists. I'll admit that my feelings on this subject are still quite raw so it isn't surprising that these comments hit a nerve in me. I wanted so much to respond to those comments but didn't feel like that was the right time or place. So I am taking the opportunity to express my feelings here. When it comes to grief and funeral arrangements when a loved one passes away, you just don't have any idea what it will be like and what you will need until that time comes. Grief is a very individualized personal experience. There is no secret recipe or magic formula to make it any easier. You have to do what you feel as things come. As we planned my dad's funeral I was so grateful for the love and support of my family. All nine of us children were involved in the planning and execution of my dad's funeral and viewing. The day after he died we had a family meeting and planned who would talk at the funeral, who would pray, who the pall bearers were, etc. The following day we all met at the mortuary and picked out his casket and other services the mortuary would provide. We each prepared a tribute to our dad to display at the viewing and funeral. We laughed, we cried, we mourned, and we loved. My dad had made some requests about what he wanted when he passed away and we did our best to honor his wishes. We picked the casket that was the closest we could get to a simple pine box. My sisters went to the mortuary and colored his hair because he wanted to be buried with red hair. My dad lived a plain and simple life and that is how we planned his funeral. I will agree with one comment and that is the funeral is not really for the one who has died but for those who are left behind. Originally I was going to talk at my dad's funeral but then my older brother got here from New Mexico and said he wanted to talk. I graciously stepped aside and let him talk because I felt it was something he needed to do as part of his grieving. Alex and I prepared a video presentation of pictures of my dad. Putting it together was both heart wrenching and very therapeutic. Every picture I looked at reminded me that my dad was gone but it also brought back the memories of happier times. I took great pleasure in picking the songs for the video. My sister's gave me a few suggestions but they all kind of seemed to be the same. My dad had many different aspects to him, he wasn't just our dad. I chose Song of the South by Alabama, Love Me Tender by Elvis, Daddy's Hands by Holly Dunn and When I Get Where I'm Going by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton. In the end I was happy with what we were able to put together. I felt like we were able to capture the essence of my dad's life in that video. Does it matter to my dad that he had a video at his funeral, probably not. But it mattered to me. It was a way for me to channel my grief and deal with it in a healthy, productive way. Some of the comments said that people would regret the money spent or how they did things. But I am fairly certain that ten, twenty or even thirty years down the road my siblings and I will still be happy with the funeral we did for our dad. We will not regret a single thing. So yes, we went with a more personalized funeral for my dad. It was our way of expressing the love that we have for him. Certain things were done differently than I first expected but in the end it all was a great celebration of my dad. And those things that I thought we would do but ended up different actually brought a great measure of comfort and peace to me. My cousin posted some pictures of the viewing set up on Facebook. A friend of mine who came to the viewing posted a comment that I think sums things up nicely. "What you guys did was so personal and amazing. The viewing was perfection and I could see how much you all loved him. It brought me to tears."

Oh How LUCKY!

Once again it is the greenest day of the year; a day that is much loved in the Lundquist household.  After the smashing success we had last year on St. Patrick's Day I didn't know what I was going to do to top it.  So I decided not to try and top it; I would just do something totally different.

Our local grocery store, Maceys, bakes green bread for St. Patrick's Day.  I hurried to the store on Friday morning to ensure that I would get a loaf.  The funny thing is that when I called my little sister, Karolyn, she had picked up a loaf of bread for me.  So this year I was guaranteed a loaf of green bread.  But what to do with the bread?

On Friday Karolyn and I made green lunches for our girls to eat at school but that still left the actual day to celebrate.  I decided that a green breakfast was in order.  With a little help from Alex and Karen we had a green meal prepared complete with green place settings.

We kept the kids out of the kitchen until everything was ready.  Then I made them hold hands and close their eyes as I led them into the kitchen.  The looks on their faces when they opened their eyes were priceless.  Both Lorenne and Michael were so excited.  It was hard to wait until we took pictures to eat but I really wanted to capture the day in pictures.

One thing you don't see in the pictures is the gold chocolate coin that is hidden under each cup.  Before you could eat your coin you had to tell something that you felt lucky to have.  Lorenne said she felt lucky to have her ipod touch.  Michael said he felt lucky to have his toys.  Somehow we didn't quite make it to the adults to tell what they felt lucky to have.

As for me, I feel very lucky to have such a wonderful family.  We have so much fun living with Jak and Karen.  My kids have a special bond with them that the other grandchildren don't have.

I feel very lucky to live so close to so much of our family.  Yesterday we got to have Papa Red over to our house for a few hours.  It was so wonderful to have him with us.  We sat outside and watched the kids play and just enjoyed being together.

I feel lucky to have a sister like Karolyn.  She has been my rock the last several months.  She has been there whenever I have needed her no matter the time of day or night.  I am so grateful that we are spending more time together and trying to be there to help each other out.

I feel lucky to have 5 other sisters and 2 brothers and many brother and sister in laws in my family.  Each of them brings different blessings into my life.

I feel lucky to have Alex as my husband.  There aren't words to adequately describe my feelings for him.  It has been amazing the last year and a half to watch him transform.  He is a new  man and I love him more for all the changes he has had the courage to make. 

And last but certainly not least of all I feel so lucky that in August we will welcome a new baby into our home.  I thought our time had passed for adding to our family.  But sometimes it takes a series of unfortunate events to help you realize just what you truly want in life.  I couldn't be more excited to be a mom again!  We are all so excited to meet our new baby.  Even though I will be having an ultrasound in 2 weeks, everyone is going to have to wait another 20-22 weeks to find out what we are having.  Whether it is a boy or a girl we just feel lucky to have him/her coming to our family.

I hope you all have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day and take some time to realize just how LUCKY you are!

St. Paddy's Day

The Lundquist family in our various shades of green.

This is the table setting for our St. Patrick's Day breakfast.

For breakfast we had green french toast, green butter milk syrup, and green whipped cream.  We complimented our green breakfast with fresh strawberries, blueberries and black berries.  To drink we had plain old orange juice and green milk.  It was such a yummy meal.  Michael said, "This is the best meal EVER!"

Don't you wish you had been a guest at our St. Patrick's Day breakfast?

Our whole meal was watched over by a wee leprechaun.

Lorenne started her holiday spirit on Friday.  We made a cute hair accessory out of green felt to ensure that she wasn't going to be pinched.

Michael is wearing a hat that Lorenne made at school.  He was so excited to have a leprechaun hat to wear. 

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

The Hardest Part of My Dad Being Sick

I love my dad!  I have been Daddy's girl from the moment I was born. 

My dad is sick.  He has cirrhosis of the liver.  He was diagnosed about 3 years ago, maybe 4.  But in the last year his illness has progressed rapidly.  At Christmas a year ago I felt like I still had my dad.  Over the next few months his health declined rapidly.  He is now a shadow of the man he used to be.  It is especially noticeable when I see the looks on relatives' faces when they see my dad for the first time in a long time.  They just can't believe the change in him.

Overall I feel like I have dealt with my dad's illness fairly well.  I have made more of an effort to go and see him or just call him on the phone.  When the time comes that he dies I don't want to have any regrets.  I want to send him off with all my love.

But there are moments when the reality of his illness really hits me.  It never fails that when I have a problem with my car I end up crying and so frustrated with my dad being sick.  Why?  Because the hardest part of my dad being sick is that I can't go to him with my car problems.  He can't tell me what we need to do.  And we can't go get the parts and then work together to fix it. 

Now that may sound really selfish.  It may sound like the only reason I want him healthy is to fix my car.  But that isn't it at all.  My dad doesn't fix my car, we do!  Some of my most cherished times with my dad are sitting by his side as he taught me how to work on my car.  I love saying, "my dad didn't raise me to be a wimpy girl."  I have taken quite a bit of pride in knowing that I can work on my car. 

But there is so much of it that I can't do on my own and don't want to.  I want to get covered in grease and try and figure out what my dad is going to do next.  I want to have him teach me more about the way my car works.  I want to get totally frustrated with him because he moves so slow.  But that is never going to happen again.

I took my car in today because we had a flat tire and ended up needing to replace two tires.  But they also told me that my CV boot is torn and so the axle needs to be replaced.  After paying for the tires I went and sat in my car and cried because Dad and I have replaced the axles before.  I know it is something I can do with him but not without him. 

And on a day when everything else has gone wrong a little girl needs her dad to come and rescue her.  Only my dad can't rescue me anymore.